20 Keys For Transforming A “Difficult” Relationship

  1. “Difficult” relationships are about self-worth and self-love – ours, not theirs.
  2. We’ve set causes in motion, and we’re experiencing the results. So our problems aren’t originating outside of us.
  3. Our partners aren’t broken, and it’s not our job to fix them.
  4. Relating is similar to riding an elevator. If we don’t do something different, such as select a new number, meaning shift our consciousness, the doors will open and we’ll get out on the same floor. And the next person we hook up with will likely be just like the person we left.
  5. Separation ends relationships, not problems. We take our issues with us and resolve them through other people.
  6. Getting rid of our partners won’t get rid of our problems.
  7. Everyone is right from his or her perspective, so no one is wrong.
  8. We’re responsible for our reactions, so it’s not reasonable to make people wrong to justify our outbursts.
  9. Our partners give us what we believe we deserve.
  10. When we see our partners’ worst, it’s also active in us, and they’re mirroring it for us.
  11. There will always be evidence to prove whatever we declare is true, because our lives are the result of whatever we believe.
  12. Our partners can’t affect us emotionally until we choose what to believe about them and their behavior.
  13. Whatever words we use to describe our partners, they can’t be anything else for us, because we experience what we believe about them.
  14. Our predictable responses keep our partners treating us in a predictable manner.
  15. Making a conscious decision to stop being triggered by what our partners say and do will deactivate our buttons and give us back our power. And if we change our usual response, our partners will also change their behavior.
  16. If we want people to act differently toward us, it begins by acting differently ourselves. Until we change, nothing will change.
  17. The best way to show our partners how to treat us in the way we want is to be an example of what we want.
  18. If our partners lose it, most important is their need to be supported. So it’s our job to stay supportive, protecting their self-esteem and allowing them to save face.
  19. We draw the best from our partners by believing the best about them, knowing they’ll become whatever we decide to see.
  20. Expressing appreciation does more than anything else to create positive change in our relationships.

Come follow me on Instagram!

Posted by

Author, Blogger, Contributor to Thrive Global, The Good Men Project and HuffPost